I’ll be perfectly honest, my mental health hasn’t been on top form recently but that is entirely my fault. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to rely on medication for happiness so in a spur of the moment decision, I decided to just stop taking them.. yeah.. don’t do that. The amount of nights, my girlfriend has had to deal with me crying over something ridiculously small is a joke, so I think it’s safe to say that I’m most definitely going to keep taking them regularly.. Not only to help my mental health get better but to also give my girl some time off from dating a damn onion!
Speaking of my girlfriend though, last night was a weird night, and she had to deal with me being sad over nothing again, and she said something that has not stopped playing over in my head since she said it.
One of the things I love about her is how simply realistic she is. She sugarcoats nothing and just says it how it is and I love that. I would much rather someone did that than just tell me what I want to hear.
She essentially just sat down next to me and told me what I already knew. She told me that I put other peoples happiness before my own way too much which is true, I do that a lot. I put my own happiness and energy into making other people happy, and in the end, I only end up getting hurt, and my happiness ends up in the firing line. She also said that I should start putting my happiness first and do whats best for me and what makes me happy and that struck me, because no one has ever said that before. I always get the usual ‘Oh, its so nice that you put everyone before yourself!’, rather than someone telling me that I should myself first for once.
Another way what she said struck me, is that I never understand why I’m no ones first choice, but after the conversation that her and I had last night, I realised the reason for that. No one ever puts me first because by putting everyone first, I’ve taught them that I come second and that’s not how it should be.
This life is my life, and no one else is going to live it except me, so why can’t I live it according to how I want to? Why can’t I live it in a way that makes me happy?
There’s so many things that this girl has taught me since she’s come into my life and she doesn’t even know how much she’s helped me realise some stuff I should have realised a long time ago, and how much she’s turning me into a better person without even realising.. not only do I want to be a better person for her, but I want to be a better person for myself and no one else has ever made me have that realisation before, so a huge thank you to her..
From this point onwards, my happiness is coming first, and yeah, there will be days when I’m sad but from this minute forwards, it won’t be every single day like it has been. I’m just going to live every day with a smile on my face, and if I can’t change the situation in 5 minutes, then I’m not going to bother getting worried about it.