People seem to have the misconception that once you’re discharged from counselling or any type of therapy that you’re suddenly better. Like the psychologist or doctor just snaps their fingers and you’re fine over night but that’s not how it works at all.
When your cars broken, you take it to the mechanic, he repairs it and you get it back good as new and perfect again. A lot of people think that happens with humans too but we’re not cars. We can’t go in, get a quick fix up and come out again. It takes years and years of hardwork, dedication and relapse.
I was discharged from CAMHS (Child and Adolesent Mental Health Services) when I hit 18. I was hurting myself less than before and sometimes I would go weeks without doing it and they felt that I was ready to face the world without them. Was that a good decision on their behalf? I don’t know but they felt that they had done all they could do for me and that’s as much as anyone could ask for.
There’s still days when I feel like there’s no point, there’s still nights when I fall asleep streaming tears into my pillow. There’s still times when my adreneline and endorphins crave the pain I once voluntarily gave myself on a regular basis and I still have to take my medication as I did before.
But then there’s days when I find myself smiling like I did before everything and everyone happened. There’s days when I let people get close to me and actually let them touch me now. There’s days where the only pain I give myself are accidents when I’m clumsy and the only sleepless nights I get are when I really want to finish an episode of TOWIE before I go sleep (I know, please don’t judge me).
Recovery doesn’t happen overnight. There’s ups, there’s downs.. it’s like being on a goddamn rollercoaster sometimes but you will get there.
One of the hardest things that I ever had to learn was that I was worth recovery and it’s something that takes constant work, every single day. Somedays, I love myself, and someday’s I don’t but every day I try to and as long as I try that’s what’s important.
People just seem to forget that we’re not cars. We need constant fixing.