18

Monday 24th August 1998, 1:06pm. That marked my birth. The day that I was brought into this world. 

Wednesday 24th August 2016, 1:06pm. That marks my 18th. The day that I have been on this earth for 18 years.

I don’t really know how I feel about this, because in most people’s eyes, 18 years old means that your sort of an adult. That doesn’t feel right to me. I feel like I’m a child, who’s been allowed to grow up by mistake. I feel like there should be some sort of exam that you have to take, just to make sure that you’re responsible enough because there’s bills you have to pay, houses you have to buy, children you may or may not have, cars to drive and this terrifies me.

Part of me just wants to hide under my duvet and go back to the times when I had not a care in the world because I was years away from having to worry about any of these things. For example, I could get other people to order my food for me in restaurants without getting a funny stare from the waiter. I didn’t have to make any huge career decisions and it was perfectly okay that I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I could make mistakes and simply put it down to just being young, naive and still learning. I was able to go to a Halloween party with my friends, actually dressed as something scary because no one had reached that point yet when they felt the need to dress as one of Hugh Hefner’s playboy bunnies.

‘If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I’ll never grow up!’ – Peter Pan

All of that is far back in my childhood and not because there was a point where I just thought, ‘well.. that’s just all childish’, it was simply because I just grew up. I grew up, I left school, I lost touch with friends and I made new ones. I’ve become a different person that I was back then, without even realising it and suddenly, I’m 18 and a sort of adult, and I’m expected to act like one. It absolutely terrifies me and yet I’m excited about it at the same time.

I was thinking about something the other day, and it absolutely terrified me. I left school about 2 years ago, so it’s in my recent past, and I had one teacher who just made everything better. When I was upset, or when I had problems going on at home, I’d go and sit in her office and talk to her, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember her name. In actual fact, I can’t remember a lot of my teachers names. It was something that was so important to me at the time and now it’s just gone out of my head. It’s not that I’m getting old and forgetful, it’s just simply time passing and that different things have become more important to me now but it scared me to death.

Look around yourself. Take a mental image of everything and store inside your head for safe keeping.

I just need to face the facts that I am 18 now. I do have responsibilities and I’m going to face every single one of them with courage and determination. I’m absolutely terrified but I am really excited to give it a go.

Thank you so every single person in my life who has helped me get this far. Without most of you, I wouldn’t have made it to here. I love every single one of you and let’s continue this journey together.

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One Response to 18

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